My friends, Mister Muleboy and Bellotoot, and I can barely communicate with each other without resorting to a patois of malapropisms, tangled idioms and sheer stupidity which we refer to as "chatter." Although Katie-Bar-The-Door and a few others speak the language well enough to navigate the country, Muleboy, Bellotoot and I are probably the only three people on earth who are fluent in it. It can be maddening, even to ourselves.
At some point during the Clinton administration, the phrase "like they drew it up on the chalkboard" became "like they chalked it up on Drew Barrymore," which in my head at least has become standard English—I have to remind myself it's nonsense when I'm at a ballgame dipping into my bottomless bag of sports cliches.
I hadn't planned on blogging about Drew Barrymore now or ever, but then saw her picture over at the Gunslinger and, well, you know me and Photoshop ...
As always, click on the picture to view it full-size.
Named for Katie-Bar-The-Door, the Katies are "alternate Oscars"—who should have been nominated, who should have won—but really they're just an excuse to write a history of the movies from the Silent Era to the present day.
To see a list of nominees and winners as well as links to my essays about them, click here.
Remember: There are no wrong answers, only movies you haven't seen yet.
The Silent Oscars
And don't forget to check out the Silent Oscars—my year-by-year choices for best picture, director and all four acting categories for the pre-Oscar years, 1902-1927.
Look at me—Joe College, with a touch of arthritis. Are my eyes really brown? Uh, no, they're green. Would we have the nerve to dive into the icy water and save a person from drowning? That's a key question. I, of course, can't swim, so I never have to face it. Say, haven't you anything better to do than to keep popping in here early every morning and asking a lot of fool questions?