1987 Alternate Oscars

Much like The Shawshank Redemption a few years later, The Princess Bride didn't find an audience until it reached the rental aftermarket ...

If you haven't seen it, The Princess Bride is a swashbuckling romance/comedy (as distinct from a romantic comedy) of the first order. Told as a story within a story, the movie opens with a doddering grandfather (the hilarious Peter Falk) insisting on reading a book to his skeptical grandson (Fred Savage) who is home from school with the sniffles.

"When I was your age, television was called books."

So what's in this book? Glad you asked.

"Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles ..."
"Doesn't sound too bad. I'll try to stay awake."
"Oh, well, thank you very much, very nice of you. Your vote of confidence is overwhelming."

After that, the story — stuffed with the aforementioned swashbuckling, romance and raucous comedy — unfolds on screen, although Peter Falk helpfully pops in from time to time:

"She doesn't get eaten by the eels at this time."
"What?!?"
"The eel doesn't get her. I'm explaining to you because you look nervous."
"I wasn't nervous. Maybe I was a little bit concerned, but that's not the same thing."

Stars Cary Elwes and Robin Wright as the young lovers, Chris Sarandon as the evil Prince Humperdinck, Wallace Shawn as an assassin for hire, Mandy Patinkin and Andre the Giant as his morally-conflicted henchmen, and Billy Crystal and Carol Kane as, respectively, a down-on-his-luck wizard and his no-nonsense wife.

Based on the book of the same name by legendary screenwriter William Goldman, The Princess Bride is endlessly quotable:

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

"We'll never survive."
"Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has."

"Inconceivable!"
"You keep saying that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders — the most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia' — but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!'"

"Have fun storming the castle!"

And many others.

The Princess Bride was directed by Rob Reiner in the middle of one of the greatest runs of great movies any director has ever had — This Is Spinal Tap, The Sure Thing, Stand by Me, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, Misery and A Few Good Men. The train came off the tracks after that and I really have no idea what Rob Reiner's been up to the last thirty years. But for a while there, he was as good as anybody ever.

So. If you haven't seen The Princess Bride, see it. And if you have, treat yourself and see it again. One of the Monkey's all-time faves.

My choices are noted with a ★. A tie is indicated with a ✪. Historical Oscar winners are noted with a ✔. Best foreign-language picture winners are noted with an ƒ. A historical winner who won in a different category is noted with a ✱.