1963 Alternate Oscars

Tonight at 8 PM Eastern, Turner Classic Movies is showing Alfred Hitchcock's masterpiece of ornithological horror, The Birds — an apocalyptic tale of mother nature's revenge on the human race. Or as we refer to it in the 21st century, "Thursday."

If you haven't seen it, well good God man, what are you waiting for?

Richard Brody, film critic for the New Yorker magazine, had this to say about the film's star, Tippi Hedren:

[The Birds and Marnie] feature the performances of Tippi Hedren, which are not only the ultimate Hitchcock performances but—and especially that of “Marnie”—among the very best in the history of cinema. Nobody would mistake Hedren for Bette Davis in theatrical craft, but, of course, the cinema isn’t theatre, and the measure of performance is, rather, an aura, an expressive radiance which is sometimes even more present in varieties of inexpressivity, repression, opacity, which is exactly what Hedren delivers.

I completely agree with the sentiment that "cinema isn't theatre" — it's why I prefer Bogart to Olivier, and just about anybody to Meryl Streep, even the much undervalued Tippi Hedren.

I rewatched The Birds (and Marnie) the other day and while I think the growing cult of Marnie has overrated that picture (too much pop psychology, not enough story), the assessment of Tippi Hedren as an actress, especially in The Birds (reversing Brody's verdict), is spot on. Instead of playful and flirty in the opening scenes of The Birds — which is apparently how some critics want her to have played it — Hedren comes across as self-involved and maybe just mean enough to make you think the birds are reacting to her. I mean what kind of jerk uses innocent birds as props in an adolescent prank? No wonder the birds are miffed — she's the straw that broke the proverbial camel bird's back.

It's as if Majorie Taylor Greene showed up in Bodega Bay full of performative tomfoolery and flocks of left-wing birds (flying in left-hand circles, no doubt) launched a counterattack on humanity in retaliation. They've stood all they can stand and, like Popeye the Sailor, they can't stands no more. I'm cheering for the birds!

Of course, the person the birds really should have been attacking was Alfred Hitchcock. I love me some Hitchcock as you well know, but what he subjected Tippi Hedren to should have ended his career (never mind the sexual assault allegation which should have landed him in jail.) I guess you can argue a good director does whatever is necessary to get the performance he wants but a better one wouldn't have to. I think actors succeeded in Hitchcock's films not because of his antics but in spite of them, and when the star of a great motion picture almost gets her eyes pecked out to satisfy the sadistic whims of a warped, frustrated old man (no matter how great a director), she deserves some sort of medal.



But that's neither here nor there. Ultimately, the only thing that counts is what ended up on the screen, and I think what ended up on the screen in the case of Tippi Hedren is great — or anyway, unforgettable which is pretty much the same thing. She earns my vote for best actress of the year.

My choices are noted with a ★. A tie is indicated with a ✪. Historical Oscar winners are noted with a ✔. Best foreign-language picture winners are noted with an ƒ. A historical winner who won in a different category is noted with a ✱.

Alternate Oscars: 1963 (Re-Do)

I got more complaints about my polls for 1963 than about any other year, so I rethought it from the ground up. This time I went with purely consensus nominees — looking up every alternate Oscar site I could find, noting everyone's choices, and with mathematical precision, coming up with 1963's nominees.

I really wanted to accommodate the Bergman fans and the Mifune fans and all of you who didn't think Tom Jones was two hours you'd never get back, but hey, I didn't invent math. If you don't like the results, blame the Mesopotamians!

By the way, my good friend Mister Muleboy and I were lucky enough to see Federico Fellini's masterpiece, 8½, in the big theater at the AFI-Silver the other day — a new 4K restoration. I'd seen it before, more than once, but never on the big screen, and Muleboy had never seen it at all.

What a great movie, about a famous director (played by Marcello Mastroianni) who can't get his latest film off the ground. The past, present and fantasies of the future play out in his mind in a visual tour de force as his wife, mistress, producer, priest and the press all push him to make a decision, any decision, before everything comes crashing down. It's funny and sad at the same time, and has been often imitated, but never equaled.

And then I stopped off at the library and picked up La Dolce Vita, Fellini's 1961 film, also starring Marcello Mastroianni, about seven wild nights in the seven hills of Rome. If you've never seen a Fellini movie, might I suggest you watch both films as a double feature, first La Dolce Vita, then 8½. Seen back-to-back, the films are the story of a man's journey from ambition to decadence to disillusionment and finally to a sort of hard-won wisdom.

It's also peak Fellini. Great stuff.

My choices are noted with a ★. A tie is indicated with a ✪. Historical Oscar winners are noted with a ✔. Best foreign-language picture winners are noted with an ƒ. A historical winner who won in a different category is noted with a ✱.

1963 Alternate Oscars

My choices are noted with a ★. Historical Oscar winners are noted with a ✔. Best foreign-language picture winners are noted with an ƒ.

In case you've forgotten who Ray Harryhausen was, here's a clip from Jason and the Argonauts:



That's all stop-motion, dude — took Harryhausen four months to create what amounted to about three minutes of film. But it's his Mona Lisa.

The Academy named Tom Jones the best picture of 1963 and it was a popular choice. But it hasn't aged well in my opinion. Director Tony Richardson turned Henry Fielding's 18th century novel into one of those "wacky" Sixties comedies that in retrospect aren't particularly funny.

In fact, come to think of it, Tom Jones might have been the start of all that zany wackiness. You've got a lot to answer for, laddybuck.

On the other hand, I find the pure slapstick of It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World very funny, so who knows. Maybe because slapstick is fundamentally sincere while wacky is inherently smug.

The Monkey hates smug.

Note: Patricia Neal's performance in Hud is really a supporting one, but she fits better at lead actress so I'm leaving her where the Academy put her.

And P.S.: Katie-Bar-The-Door and I are celebrating our anniversary today. 29 years. Shall we try for thirty?

A Top Five List Inspired By Chris Rock's Top Five

Sullivan's Travels (1941)
Tired of churning out crowd-pleasing comedies such as Ants in Your Plants of 1939, director John Sullivan (Joel McCrea) vows to make an important movie about economic injustice and class struggle. Unfortunately for him, his only brush with poverty is the first of every month when he mails an alimony check to his ex-wife. So he and a down-on-her-luck Veronica Lake set off on a cross-country adventure to learn what's-what. The result is the best comedy of Preston Sturges's illustrious career.

"What do they know in Pittsburgh?"

"They know what they like."

"If they knew what they liked, they wouldn’t live in Pittsburgh."

8½ (1963)
Everyone is ready for Guido (Marcello Mastroanni) to direct another hit movie — the cast, the crew, the press, the studio, his wife, his mistress, his other mistress. Everyone except Guido, that is. He thinks and thinks, and hasn't got an idea left in his overstuffed head. My favorite Fellini film, chock full of those crazy visuals (a man floating through the sky like a balloon, anyone?) that make Fellini so much nutty fun.

"I don't understand. He meets a girl that can give him a new life and he pushes her away?"

"Because he no longer believes in it."

"Because he doesn't know how to love."

"Because it isn't true that a woman can change a man."

"Because he doesn't know how to love."

"And above all because I don't feel like telling another pile of lies."

"Because he doesn't know how to love."

Stardust Memories (1980)
By 1980, Woody Allen was sick of making funny movies, sick of a public that only liked funny movies, and above all, sick of a universe that only makes sense as the punchline of some sort of decidedly-unfunny, existential joke — so, of course, he made a comedy about it. The critics blasted Stardust Memories in its initial release but its stature has grown over the years. Or anyway, I like it, which is all that really counts, right?

"But shouldn't I stop making movies and do something that counts, like-like helping blind people or becoming a missionary or something?"

"Let me tell you, you're not the missionary type. You'd never last. And-and incidentally, you're also not Superman; you're a comedian. You want to do mankind a real service? Tell funnier jokes."

The Simpsons "Krusty Gets Busted" (Season One, Episode 12) (1990)
Laughs are all well and good but what about poetry, what about literature, what about not getting another pie thrown in your face? Sideshow Bob (the voice of Kelsey Grammer) is fed up and he frames his boss Krusty the Clown, takes over the show and talks to the kids about feelings and philosophy and crap like that. Probably the best episode of The Simpsons first season, way back when the show was actually funny.

"Yes I admit it, I hated him. His hackneyed shenanigans robbed me of my dignity for years. I played the buffoon, while he squandered a fortune on his vulgar appetites. That's why I framed Krusty. I would've gotten away with it too if it weren't for these meddling kids."

"Take him away boys."

"Treat kids like equals, they're people too. They're smarter than what you think! They were smart enough to catch me!"

Top Five (2014)
Comedian Andre Allen (Chris Rock) doesn't feel funny anymore, and who can blame him — his movie's a flop, his love life is a TV show, his relatives have their hands out, and his fans just want him to put the bear costume back on. But, hey, at least his day can't get any worse. Right? Raunchy, hilarious and a pretty biting send-up of modern culture, Top Five was last year's most overlooked comedy.

"You coming to the party right?"

"Some people got to work. I'll tell you what — I'll come to your next bachelor party."

"That's not funny, man."

"Tell me somethin' — your next wife, she gonna be white or she gonna be Asian?"

"It's still not funny, man."

"Oh, it's only funny when you say mean shit. Right?"

"Who was that?"

"My father."

The Great Escape (1963): Mini Review

Saw this yesterday with Mister Muleboy at the AFI-Silver. In case you've never seen it, it's based on the true story of the mass escape of British prisoners from a German POW camp during World War II. A couple of Hollywood's biggest stars, James Garner and Steve McQueen, were shoehorned into the story—and thank God for studio interference. Garner is merely great while McQueen gives the most exciting performance of his career. His love affair with a motorcycle is justly legendary.

5 stars out of 5.

Also starring Richard Attenborough, Charles Bronson, James Coburn, Donald Pleasence, James Donald, David McCallum, Gordon Jackson, Hannes Messemer, Angus Lennie, Nigel Stock. Produced and directed by John Sturges. Elmer Bernstein wrote the iconic score.

[SPOILERS] I don't know how many times I've seen this movie, but I never fail to watch white-knuckled thinking this time McQueen is going to make it over that fence.

Bonus Trivia: Donald Pleasence, who plays the nerdy, half-blind forger, was in real life an RAF officer who was shot down and spent the war in a POW camp. Also, thanks to the miracle of film editing, one of the German soldiers chasing Steve McQueen on a motorcycle is Steve McQueen.

The Katie-Bar-The-Door Awards (1963)

My good and great friend, Mister Muleboy, often says that anything becomes funny if you repeat it 400 times—and he's right—but God help you through the first 399.

It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, directed by the usually pious Stanley Kramer, is the cinematic equivalent of hoarding, piling up so many gags that it quickly wears out its welcome—and then piles up so many more that the sheer chutzpah of the effort makes you giddy.

It's not the best comedy of the year, but it is the funniest. For the effort of juggling the entire insane endeavor and bringing it home in one improbable piece, I've awarded Stanley Kramer the Katie Award for best director (comedy/musical) of 1963.

PICTURE (Drama)
winner: The Great Escape (prod. John Sturges)
nominees: The Birds (prod. Alfred Hitchcock); From Russia With Love (prod. Albert R. Broccoli and Harry Saltzman); The Haunting (prod. Robert Wise); How The West Was Won (prod. Bernard Smith); Hud (prod. Irving Ravetch and Martin Ritt); Jason and the Argonauts (prod. Charles H. Schneer); The Servant (prod. Joseph Losey and Norman Priggen); Shock Corridor (prod. Samuel Fuller)

PICTURE (Comedy/Musical)
winner: Charade (prod. Stanley Donen)
nominees: It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (prod. Stanley Kramer); The Nutty Professor (prod. Ernest D. Glucksman); The Pink Panther (prod. Martin Jurow); The Sword in the Stone (prod. Walt Disney); Tom Jones (prod. Tony Richardson)

PICTURE (Foreign Language)
winner: 8½ (prod. Angelo Rizzoli)
nominees: Il gattopardo (The Leopard) (prod. Goffredo Lombardo); Le Mépris (Contempt) (prod. Georges de Beauregard and Carlo Ponti); Nattvardsgästerna (Winter Light) (prod. Allan Ekelund); Tengoku to jigoku (High and Low) (prod. Ryûzô Kikushima and Tomoyuki Tanaka); Tystnaden (The Silence) (prod. Allan Ekelund); El verdugo (The Executioner) (prod. Nazario Belmar)

ACTOR (Drama)
winner: Marcello Mastroianni (8½)
nominees: Dirk Bogarde (The Servant); Richard Harris (This Sporting Life); Rex Harrison (Cleopatra); Burt Lancaster (The Leopard); Dean Martin (Toys in the Attic); Steve McQueen (The Great Escape); Toshirô Mifune (Tengoku to jigoku a.k.a. High And Low); Paul Newman (Hud); Sidney Poitier (Lilies of the Field)

ACTOR (Comedy/Musical)
winner: Jerry Lewis (The Nutty Professor)
nominees: Tom Courtenay (Billy Liar); Albert Finney (Tom Jones); Glenn Ford (The Courtship of Eddie's Father); Cary Grant (Charade); David Niven (The Pink Panther); Mickey Rooney (It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World); John Wayne (Donovan's Reef and McClintock!)

ACTRESS (Drama)
winner: Julie Harris (The Haunting)
nominees: Leslie Caron (The L-Shaped Room); Jeanne Moreau (La baie des anges a.k.a. Bay of Angels); Rachel Roberts (This Sporting Life); Delphine Seyrig (Muriel ou Le temps d'un retour a.k.a Muriel or The Time of Return); Ingrid Thulin (Nattvardsgästerna a.k.a. Winter Light and Tystnaden a.k.a. The Silence)

ACTRESS (Comedy/Musical)
winner: Ann-Margret (Bye Bye Birdie)
nominees: Doris Day (The Thrill Of It All and Move Over, Darling); Audrey Hepburn (Charade); Shirley MacLaine (Irma La Douce); Maureen O'Hara (McClintock!); Margaret Rutherford (Murder at the Gallop); Natalie Wood (Love with the Proper Stranger); Susannah York (Tom Jones)

DIRECTOR (Drama)
winner: Federico Fellini (8½)
nominees: Ingmar Bergman (Nattvardsgästerna a.k.a. Winter Light and Tystnaden a.k.a. The Silence); Alfred Hitchcock (The Birds); Akira Kurosawa (Tengoku to jigoku a.k.a. High and Low); Martin Ritt (Hud); John Sturges (The Great Escape); Luchino Visconti (Il gattopardo a.k.a. The Leopard); Robert Wise (The Haunting)

DIRECTOR (Comedy/Musical)
winner: Stanley Kramer (It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World)
nominees: Stanley Donen (Charade); Jerry Lewis (The Nutty Professor); Tony Richardson (Tom Jones)

SUPPORTING ACTOR
winner: Melvyn Douglas (Hud)
nominees: Hugh Griffith (Tom Jones); Paul Lynde (Bye Bye Birdie); Walter Matthau (Charade); Donald Pleasence (The Great Escape); Peter Sellers (The Pink Panther)

SUPPORTING ACTRESS
winner: Patricia Neal (Hud)
nominees: Edie Adams (Love with the Proper Stranger); Anouk Aimee (8½); Claire Bloom (The Haunting); Edith Evans (Tom Jones); Ethel Merman (It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World); Sandra Milo (8½); Margaret Rutherford (The V.I.P.s)

SCREENPLAY
winner: Peter Stone; story by Peter Stone and Marc Behm (Charade)
nominees: Nelson Gidding, from the novel by Shirley Jackson (The Haunting); Irving Ravetch and Harriet Frank, Jr., from the novel by Larry McMurtry (Hud); John Osborne, from the novel by Henry Fielding (Tom Jones)

SPECIAL AWARDS
Ray Harryhausen (Jason and the Argonauts) (Special Effects); Elmer Bernstein (The Great Escape) (Score)

And Happy Birthday, Ray Harryhausen!

Mark Bourne of Open The Pod Bay Doors, Hal has just informed me that today is also Ray Harryhausen's birthday.

Let's celebrate the greatest special effects artist of all time with this excerpt from Jason and the Argonauts, the greatest special effects sequence in movie history ...