Sunday, November 3, 2024

2012 Alternate Oscars

2012 was a great year for movies about America's 16th president — Abraham Lincoln, in case you can't count that high ...

You may have heard of one of them, Steven Spielberg's Lincoln, the true story (warts and all) of how Honest Abe twisted enough arms to secure passage of the 13th Amendment banning slavery. Lincoln may have been an idealist but he was also a ruthless pragmatist who knew how to get the job done. It's a rare combination.

Daniel Day-Lewis went radically realistic in his portrayal of Lincoln and nailed it without ever giving off the sort of "actor-y" vibe Meryl Streep has a patent on, an absolutely balls-to-the-wall performance, maybe the best of his illustrious career.

And Spielberg immerses you in the legislative sausage-making behind the 13th Amendment without ever letting the proceedings turn dry — it's riveting stuff.

But did you also know The Great Emancipator killed vampires in his spare time? I didn't either until I saw Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. The man was busy!

This one isn't quite as successful — with a title like that, I was expecting an over-the-top romp like Army of Darkness — Bruce Campbell with a beard if you know what I mean.

Instead it's more horror than hoot and more history than horror, with vampires as a metaphor for the "peculiar institution." The plantation owners not only feast on the forced labor of the enslaved but on their blood as well.

Still, the Ol' Rail-Splitter swings a mighty mean axe, lopping off the heads of dozens of bloodsucking monsters. Pop some corn, put your feet up and get into a Svengoolie frame of mind. It's not half bad!


My choices are noted with a ★. A tie is indicated with a ✪. Historical Oscar winners are noted with a ✔. Best foreign-language picture winners are noted with an ƒ. A historical winner who won in a different category is noted with a ✱.